You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
