I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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