oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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