Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
