So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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