his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He shit in the fireplace
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
