Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
