One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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