So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
