my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
