2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
