allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize