I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
