Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
