That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
