Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
