The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
