Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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