i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
