It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
