im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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