boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
