thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize