I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize