In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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