apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
