I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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