If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had to cum in my sink.
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