I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
