If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
