Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
