It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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