i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
