brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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