____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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