I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
