so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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