so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
