My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
