I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
