Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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