I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
