people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
