He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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