Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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