Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
