According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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