I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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