It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
