Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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