nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
