It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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