i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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