why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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