Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
