I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
