I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
