The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
false alarm, still single
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
