Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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