Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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