I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
