Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
