just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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