you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
