Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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