boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
